


Reasons to Date Me

by gold_pen_leaps



Series: An Array of Somethings [2]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: And One Time He Did, Bill Cipher was a jerk, Billford - Freeform, Dimension Travel, Feelings Realization, Love Confessions, Multiverse, Mystery Shack, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Story within a Story, Time Skips, Unreliable Narrator, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:26:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gold_pen_leaps/pseuds/gold_pen_leaps
Summary: Bill wished a sinkhole would collapse directly under the Mystery Shack, just to shake things up. No wait. He didn’t want that, because then he’d never know Ford’s answer.
Relationships: Bill Cipher/Ford Pines
Series: An Array of Somethings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794808
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Reasons to Date Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RoseWithAllHerThorns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseWithAllHerThorns/gifts).



“We’re closing in on the target,” a mercenary relayed through the transmitter. Bill looked through the eye-triangle patches sewn on their uniforms, just to check. It was true.

They were following Ford at a distance, looking down from a solid cloud as he walked across a flower field, towards the forest at the foot of the hills. Someone who had just left his hick home dimension wouldn't have the skills necessary to notice them.

“Want us to snipe him?”

“No. Keep him in sight. I’m coming over.” After that nerd had worked so closely with him on the portal, Ford deserved a personal touch – Bill killing him personally. Sunk-cost fallacy? The thought of the horror on Ford’s face when Bill finally caught him? It didn’t matter why he wanted to do it himself; the urge to do it had come over him, so he was going to do it. The work was over, and Bill could be patient enough to wait for some dumb monkey to activate the machine. But first, he'd treat himself. With a snazzy snap of his fingers, he zapped over to their location, relying on the mental-image tech to project his form, rather than putting anyone into a light sleep.

“Well, this place is twenty times easier on the lungs than Incense Dimension, eh?” Bill exclaimed. “Lungs, am I right? I don’t need lungs, except for fun.” To their credit, the rest of the band didn’t flinch – too much – at his arrival. Bill made idle small talk as they tracked Ford to a cave. Through a knot in a nearby tree, Bill saw exactly which hill Ford had disappeared into. They touched down, and Bill let them pause to plan. 

“According to our intel, there are a series of tunnels under these hills. I say we wait. Starve him out.” That was one suggestion.

“Boring!” Bill said, “And what if there’s more exits? Let’s rush in and get him!”

In the end, they went with that plan. Bill and one merc stood guard at the entrance. After a long, tedious wait during which the guard refused to talk to Bill because he was “listening for a signal so he could rescue them” or whatever, they heard screams and shouts from inside. The guard shifted and glanced at Bill. “I should check on them.”

“You should stay here,” Bill said, “Keep me company.” Then, he blinked. He couldn’t see through the badges anymore. He didn’t know what was going on, either.

Smoke started billowing from the cave entrance, which explained the badge sight failure.

“I’ve gotta-” the guard began, but he was tackled and knocked out by a brown and gray blur.

“Fordsy!” Bill exclaimed, “If you say sorry n-”

Ford spat profanities at him and shot a laser through the hologram of Bill. Where’d he get a laser gun? His image blinked out of sight – after all, the last transmitter had been on that incompetent guard. Ford ran away.

Bill laughed. And then he laughed some more, until the incense dissipated. Ford was long gone, of course. 

Bill’s mercenaries were knocked out or worse. Bill didn’t have a body, and he didn’t bother figuring out where Ford was headed next. No, he had something more intriguing to think about.

“Hmm. Seems like my plaything has just as much spice as sugar." Maybe the kind of spice that would build, that could end up obliterating tongues and severely jumbling up party plans.

Ah, but it would be worth it.

He thought he’d had a fawning worshipper, one who had to have every small detail in place at the exact right time so he could sleep at night. This was a new side to Fordsy. A swearing lunatic who could shift plans at the drop of a hat, defiant and wily. 

The contrast was delightful! 

Today could have been a fluke, though. It would take more experimentation to prove that the human could survive in a harsh array of environments. He nodded, making up his mind. If Ford survived until Bill gained full corporeality, he’d offer Ford the world and a place at the foot of his throne.


End file.
